According to Dick Cheney (so don’t go gettin’ your hopes up) Nancy Pelosi was briefly briefed on what everyone in Washington, (at least the culpable parties) wants to call Enhanced Interrogation Techniques, EITs. EITs don’t sound so bad to me, maybe like scrawling a bunch of sentences with a crayon or standing in a corner with gum on your nose. Maybe a head first dunk in the tub a hundred and eighty-two times or so if you’re named Abu Zubaida, or Abu anything.
Cheney”s legal boobies said EIT does not include waterboarding (they had promised Nancy over a bag of hot chili cheetos). Nope, it doesn’t.
Nancy, sweating heavily beneath her Halston pantsuit, says she didn’t know about the EIT part of waterboarding. I believe her. Her friend and fellow multi-millionaire, Diane Feinstein, (who I would have no good reason to doubt) vouched for Nancy’s character and honesty this way:
“I’ve known Nancy a long time,” Feinstein said. “We lived a few mansions houses apart for couple of decades. I’ve never known her not to be truthful cause even my best friends at Abu Ghraib couldn’t get it out of her. Let me put that on the record.”
Fess up everyone. What’s the difference if you did or you didn’t? Nobody got hurt and Obambam says it happened too long ago yesterday. Besides, lying makes you look so ugly,errr like EITs are being used on you when you’re standing in front of the television cameras. Nancy, have you seen yourself lately? I know, point at Dick. Cheney’s ugly too. But Monsieur Le VeePee is naturally ugly-stick ugly. You, not so much.
We can still be friends. Nothing is so terrible that a loving and forgiving American people cannot forget.